No-So Rude Awakenings

January 28, 2016 | 0 Comments | Life

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I hear the voices before I see them; distant samplings of reality polluting the fuzzy, discolored remnants of early-morning dreams. The oversized pastel Legos in front of me start floating oddly. Where are the voices coming from? As I turn my head, the fuzzy images start to smudge, tendrils of oily pink and yellow trail along the lens whichever direction I look, cluttering my vision. I am suddenly aware of my eyes… they are gooey and stuck together. Closed? How can they be? But the light… What is happening?

“I know what she likes,” the disembodied voice says. Before I have time process the words, it takes on a distinctive soft and loving tone. “Baby!” Gravity suddenly exists and dreamscapes collapse around my feet. My heavy eyelids slowly lift open, sliding into sync with my conscious mind.

Towering above the bed is Bryce, smiling from ear to ear, holding a gigantic mug and pint of Ben & Jerry’s Americone Dream. “Good morning! Do you want some ice cream and booze coffee?”

“YES!” And just like that, I am wide awake. I love this man. So. Much.

– This sampling of my life brought to you by Woodinville Whiskey, Baileys Irish Cream, Ben & Jerry’s Stephan Colbert’s Amercione Dream and my soul mate until death do us part, Bryce Matthews.

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